"I am sending him, that is, my own heart, back to you." Philemon 1:10
My father grew up in a faithful Catholic family. As an altar boy, he was taught to revere the Eucharistic Lord. In those days, the Eucharistic fast was very strict, and the priest was the only one to distribute communion to the kneeling faithful. His faith sustained him through the grim years of service in World War II and throughout his marriage as he became father to five children, all raised in the Church.
But by the time I was growing up in that same parish, post-Vatican II, many things were changing. Latin chant was replaced by the twang of folk music, the practice of kneeling to receive the Eucharist had vanished along with the altar rails, fasting times were reduced to an hour, and lay people served alongside the priest as Eucharistic ministers.
Distressed that the careful reverence for the Eucharist seemed to have been forgotten, my father began to question all he had been taught. Finally, he stopped going to Mass altogether, saying he felt he was “a Catholic without a church.” A young adult by this time, I also strayed away from the Church, although for different reasons.
Over the years, my father always continued to pray the rosary. It was his advice to pray the rosary that eventually helped lead me back to the Church. When I returned to my faith, I invited him to Mass with me. Although he attended with me at times, he never came back to the sacraments.
Although he did not return to the Church, his faith in Jesus remained with him all his life. When he became sick with cancer and had exhausted all treatment options, he told me simply, “I am putting myself in the hands of Jesus and Mary.”
He died on Our Lady’s birthday, September 8th, 2009. I continue to pray for him, entrusting him in prayer to God’s mercy. I believe that Our Lady loved him and watched over him, interceding on his behalf. I like to think that our Blessed Mother sent his soul with a little note to her Son Jesus, saying, as Paul says of his dear child Onesimus in today’s scripture, “I am sending him, that is, my own heart, back to you.”
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